I was looking through a blog I kept from back in 2008 where I talked a bit about the pole classes I was taking. It was really a blast from the past, reading and remembering all the learning experiences I had in the studio, on the pole, and with the women who I built friendships with in class.

For most of my fledging pole career, I was with the same teacher and class for a very long time and there was a comfort in that. I knew them, they knew me; we all were aware of each other's abilities and challenges. There was a trust built there. And that rapport is what kept me coming back: there was a sense of familiarity. My teacher could gauge my progress and see what I had started with, how much I had learned. She knew what was difficult for me and what I was working on. She could give me things to try that were just challenging enough to push me without being discouraging.

When I eventually left that class and went exploring elsewhere, it was a real shock to the system. I got the sideways "who are you?" looks from other students in class. People taught me who never knew my name, and had no idea what I was working on. I didn't have any sense of continuity to my progress; I was taking drop-in classes everywhere and classes were so much larger than I was used to. I started feeling lost, and I didn't have an emotional anchor. I was surrounded by a dizzying sense of "new" all the time, and didn't have anyone who knew who I really was. I was frustrated that no one seemed to care.

It felt a little bit like the way it does when you start somewhere new-- a job, a move, a school. All you want is for someone who knows you to call you up for a coffee and to have a conversation where you can be relaxed and be yourself, because this person knows you for who you are. And how funny to be reminded of all these feelings, now that I am on the other side and my experiences as a teacher color how I interpret what I read in that old journal from just a few years ago.

I see a lot of professionalism in pole today. I see students referred to as "clients", and it's great that there is that business model in place. I think that for businesses to succeed, studio owners need to make sure that they are accountable for their bottom line. They should have marketing strategies in place, understand how to manage teachers, have a process for customer grievances and a support network for their staff. But in all this, teachers, owners, everyone-- we need to remember the student, and the person. Not just the "client."

I am a firm believer that everyone can enjoy pole dance. That it can be fun for all of us, no matter what our fitness level is going into it, how often we do it, or how little or how much improvement we see. That strong students, coordinated students, and flexible students should get just as much attention as those who are NOT strong. NOT coordinated. NOT flexible. That every student can walk away from class feeling accomplished, challenged, and fulfilled by the movement that they just spent hard-earned money and time on. That no matter whether or not someone is "serious" about training or competing, they should still get as much attention as everyone else.

I've said before that if you foster a respectful relationship with each student in your class, and give of your time to everyone equally without favoritism, then students will see that they don’t have to be “good,” or put pressure themselves, to have fun and feel worthwhile. And that kind of positivity spreads. A repeat student is not just a retained client. A repeat student is not just a supporter of your studio. A student is not just someone who is a generator for good reviews or publicity. As Lady Gaga said, sometimes you have to put your trophies away. You should never rest on our laurels as a teacher. No matter how tired you are, how much you may want to go home, how crappy of a day you had, or the fight you just had with whoever, you should still always try your best as an instructor. Because while it may be "just another class" for you to teach, that could be the one hour that student has to truly forget about their horrible day. And they're paying.

A student is a person, who is trying very hard to learn, and trying very hard to explore a genre of movement that is intimidating, scary, and difficult. And the support between teacher and student should always go both ways. As a teacher, you have a responsibility to ALL your students to encourage and cheer whether or not you see "commitment", "talent", or "ability". As a teacher, what right do you have to judge potential or effort from anyone?

Re-reading that blog entry was like remembering all the student insecurities that I have ever had and realizing that I can address them better now that I am able to make an impact in my student's lives, every time they walk into class. To try harder to make sure that every student leaves class with a smile on their face. To try harder to make these people feel good about themselves, challenge themselves, make them realize that they are more capable then they thought and they don't have to be perfect. Because, really, that's what I'm getting paid for.

If you'd like, you can connect with me on Facebook and find my pole blog here. Thanks for reading!

Miley Cyrus is the latest tween-turned-teen to find herself under scrutiny for somehow tarnishing her “good girl” image by, well, growing up.   Says Cyrus, “Every 18-year-old explores sexuality and experiments and tries things.  For me there’s no reason to change that.  You have to be true to yourself.”  Cyrus isn’t just growing up - she is growing up and being honest about it.  Which is a refreshing change from other child stars that have made a similar transition.  Take Britney Spears for example who said in her very first interview with Rolling Stone Magazine that she wasn’t trying to be sexy.  Uh-huh, sure Brit.

What’s interesting about the public perception of Cyrus is that her transition from girl to woman is met with such shock and outrage.  It’s as though watching Miley Cyrus go from a blonde, innocent little girl to a sexy young woman reminds us that all of our daughters will eventually go through that same transition.  And no one likes to think about his or her little girl as a sexy woman.

But why is that?  And even more importantly, why, the second that a woman begins to play with, or experiment with her sexuality do we start the think of her as “bad”?  While it’s true that an 18-year-old woman may no longer be a fitting role model for young girls, is that particularly surprising or wrong?  And why should we shame a young woman for no longer being a role model for girls by calling her “bad” or even “controversial”?  It’s as if we want to punish her for coming into womanhood.

Miley’s fan base has grown up alongside her.  She is behaving like a young adult, just as they are, and being very open about it.  “The ones who do look up to me as a role model…I think it’s because I’m so real. If they tell you that they haven’t tried this or haven’t experimented with that, they’re lying. And I’ll never do that because personally I can’t, because there will be some proof on the Internet.”

We don’t offer young women today any guidance on how to explore their sexuality.  Instead, we tell them what to watch out for, what not to be, and what to avoid completely.  But this pushes women down a deeply inauthentic and sexually disconnected path.  Instead, we need to teach them how to discover what their sexuality means to them. And if sexuality is something that is primarily experienced in the body, then the best and healthiest way to explore sexuality is through the body – whether through dressing up, dance or even touch.  Miley Cyrus got in a lot of trouble when she used a pole in her performance for “Party in the USA”.  Ironically, pole dancing can be an excellent way for a woman to explore her sexuality.   Pole dancing awakens the body and teaches women about sensuality – usually in an all-female environment.  The majority of women who pole dance will say that it has increased their confidence as well as their awareness of their sense of desire in their bodies.

Women make well-informed and judicious decisions about their sexuality when they have an experience of and relationship to the feeling of desire that resides in their body, rather than just an intellectual relationship with it.  If a young woman, through dance, dress-up or touch can begin to feel in her body what she likes and doesn't like, what feels good to her and what doesn't, if she can begin to relate to her sexuality, not just as being accessible to a man, but as something that is hers - to share or not share - then perhaps she will carry that out into the world, into her interactions with men and women.  And if she does, than she will be better equipped to know, through her own internal direction and guidance, what she wants and doesn't want when it comes to sex.  And this is a very individual decision.    If we want to teach women to make healthy decisions for themselves and to be sexually empowered then we must give them permission to freely explore their desires.

Miley Cyrus is doing what every young woman does when she starts to discover her sexuality and its power: she is playing with it, experimenting, trying things on.  And she is trying to stay true to herself.  The majority of the media’s response to this behavior has been, “Should Miley be sexy?”

Why the hell not?

It would be so wonderful if instead of being upset and threatened by her newfound sexiness, the public could recognize the beauty that is unfolding before them, appreciate the honesty with which she is exploring her sexuality and applaud her for becoming a woman.  After all, that’s exactly what we would do for a young man.  Take for example Taylor Lautner, from the popular Twilight movies.  At 19 years old, he is promoted as a sexy young stud and admired for his constant shirtless appearances.   And yet the young women who scream for him to remove his shirt, who show their sexual desire for him, who put on thigh high boots to get his attention- the ones who ultimately put him in the spotlight by being fans - are considered “bad” somehow.  They are going through the same thing as Miley.  They are figuring out what they want and expressing the changes in their minds and their bodies.   But the difference is the minute a woman puts her sexuality on display, everyone starts to ask where she went wrong.   And when a man does it, he gets a handshake and a pat on the back.  Nobody is asking whether or not Taylor Lautner should be sexy or whether or not he is a bad boy for doing so.  So why is Miley Cyrus in so much trouble?

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