Here is something I don’t understand:  When I go to Yoga class, I do not show up late and I do not leave early.  Neither do any of the other students.   The same is true for any Dance class, Pilates class, Barre class and Muay Thai kickboxing class I have taken.   In fact, in my Muay Thai classes, new students are not only expected to show up early, they are encouraged to get involved at the gym and be of service.  I did not know this, of course, until I started reading the gym owner’s blog.  But it makes sense.  My brother has been studying and teaching Aikido for nearly 15 years, and as his sister I have not only been obliged to take Aikido, but indirectly been exposed to the culture of martial arts.  While traditions vary among different dojos, the approach to martial arts training is generally one of respect for the space, the teacher and the practice.  This is also true of yoga studios, which frequently offer classes in exchange for seva (or service).

But, in my experience, this is not as true of pole dance studios. And personally, I think that is a shame.  Not only do I think it is a shame, I think it does a disservice to students, the teachers and to the pole industry.  Maybe I’m old-fashioned.  Maybe I take my pole dancing a little too seriously.   But I think pole dancing is not just about you – it’s about the community a studio creates.  The classroom is a microcosm of this community.  If you consistently show up late to class you are effectively saying to your classmates and your teacher “I do not respect the rules you have set forth and I am continuously willing to disrupt your class time.”  That’s hardly an attitude that would be tolerated in a yoga studio or a dojo.  In fact, most studios (dance included) lock their doors once class starts, and the students know not to try to enter if they are late.  Even worse than the student who consistently shows up late is the one who complains when he or she is not admitted.  If we want to continue to move pole forward as a legitimate form of dance and artistic expression, then we need to begin to respect our classes in the same way we would respect any other class we take.

But truthfully, being late to class is not one of my biggest pet peeves.  Leaving class early, on the other hand, is.  Especially if it is a class where students take turns dancing at the end.   And that goes double if you are dropping in on a class that is not your home class (if that applies to your studio).  If everyone in the class supports you and stays through your dance, then you need to support them and stay through their dance.  It’s just polite.  Plan on being there for the full duration of your class.  If you can’t stay, then don’t come.

I’m going to say something that is probably controversial (surprise) but that I think it needs to be said:  There is an overdeveloped sense of entitlement in parts of the pole world – a kind of low-level narcissism in which things like respect for your teacher, your fellow dancers and a sense of service to the studio is missing.  Now, I realize that certain studios may contribute to this attitude by proclaiming that “It’s all about YOU YOU YOU!” and/or by charging exorbitant amounts of money for classes.  And I firmly believe that if you pay for a service, you are entitled to a positive experience.  But at the end of the day, you are a student.  You are there to learn, as is everyone else in the classroom.  So show respect for the rules of the studio and for your classmates and teachers.  Arrive on time.  Train hard.  Leave when class is over.  You will get more out of your classes this way, and you will make the classroom a more empowering and positive place for everyone – including yourself.

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Here is a recent headline in my favorite online paper, The Daily Mail.

Fitness studio's pole dancing classes for five-year-olds 'will make children more likely to end up in porn'

Really? First of all, since when does porn have an apostrophe after it?  It’s like the article was written by a five-year-old.  For those of you who want to read the article, click on the title.  For those of you who don’t, here is the low-down:  A child psychologist named Derek Swain has suggested that children who take pole dance classes will be more likely to join the sex industry later on in life.  His rationale? That there are “people out there” recruiting innocent girls into the sex industry, and if you already have “those skills” it would be an easy transition.

WHAT skills, Derek?  The owner of the pole studio doesn’t teach the five-year-old student how to grind, she teaches them how to be strong and athletic.  Of course, here is part of the problem:  No one outside the pole community understands that there are different types of pole dancing.  This is in part because we are new, and not necessarily doing a great job of defining what pole dancing is to the outside world.  One minute we are proclaiming our sexual empowerment on the pole, the next minute we are claiming it is strictly fitness.  In truth, it’s all of the above.

So who can blame people for being confused?

At the same time, Derek’s perceptions on how pole dancing ties into the sex industry are horribly misguided.  He assumes that pole dancing is always sexual, which it isn’t.  He also assumes that if a woman does explore her sexuality, she will automatically be more prone to considering sex work and stripping, which is also false.  He then assumes that if a woman does decide to join the ranks of sex workers, it is always because she is somehow a victim of predatory forces. Also untrue.  And finally, Derek completely overlooks the fact that women who pole dance report higher levels of self-confidence, happiness and overall feelings of well-being.

But Derek does provide us with several valuable lessons: First, it’s important for the pole community to continue to differentiate between the different types of pole dancing that exist.  Second, it’s important for pole dancers to continue to de-stigmatize expression of female sensuality and educate the public about the benefits of pole.  And third, the Daily Mail is a total rag.

Last month, I wrote a blog about how the state of Illinois passed a “skin tax” to help fund rape crisis centers.  If you missed it, you can read all about it here.  Briefly, the law taxes strip clubs for each customer that enters the club and sends the fund to rape crisis centers in order to make up for the slash in budgeting.  The Coalition Against Sexual Assault approached a senator in Illinois to sponsor the Bill.  A similar law was passed in Texas.

I don’t think I have to tell you how backwards it is for a group that combats sexual assault to be reinforcing one of the oldest justifications for sexual assault: She is a slut, and it’s because of women like her that men rape.  This argument is a basically a variation on “She was asking for it.”  In other words, men are not ultimately responsible for rape.  If they were at a strip club, well then the poor things were being teased and tortured and OF COURSE they would go out and rape someone.  Blame the dirty whores who danced for them.  And then tax the companies that are responsible for creating such a situation.  It’s ridiculous.  Feel free to read more of my rant in my previous blog.  This blog is call to action.

Recently I completed an assignment in a Policy class for my MSW that focused on The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA).  Perhaps some of you have seen this Act discussed in the news, and know that for the first time in 18 years, it has come under fire.  The Violence Against Women Act has been around for since 1994, and it was spearheaded by then-Senator Joe Biden.  What it has done is create a systematic, coordinated community response to domestic and sexual assault as well as implemented Federal laws against domestic assault, trafficking, stalking and date rape. Prior to the passage of VAWA, states handled domestic assault cases and this made it very easy for perpetrators to move from state to state without repercussions.  It also meant that victims had less protection – if they moved to a different state they were no longer safe.  VAWA also created sensitivity training programs for law enforcement officials so they could identify and be responsive to domestic and sexual assault and started the first nationwide domestic assault hotline.  Prior to the passage of VAWA, there were more animal rescue shelters in the country than women’s shelters.  How do you like that?  Basically this bill took domestic and sexual assault and changed the perception that is was a “private issue” between a man and a woman into the perception that is was a national problem that needed to be addressed – much the same way that child abuse laws helped changed views on parenting.  Additionally, VAWA allotted block grants to states to fund things like rape crisis centers.  The Reauthorization of VAWA has been stalled for almost a year now.  This means that organizations that had previously been receiving Federal money to fund their services are now no longer funded – organizations like the ones in Illinois.  Many centers are being forced cut their services.  Others are finding creative funding solutions – such as the skin tax laws passed in Illinois and Texas.

So why am I talking about this? What does this have to do with pole dancing?   Well here is the thing: As a result of Congress’ inability to agree on the terms of this Bill, funding has been cut.  As a result of this loss in funding, organizations that fight sexual assault are resorting to other creative means of funding.  In the case of Illinois and Texas it is the “skin tax”.  These rationale behind these creative means of funding fly directly in the face of what many of us stand for and believe in as pole dancers:  the right for any woman to express her sensuality freely and without persecution or danger.   Ironically, they also fly in the face of one of the primary arguments that sexual assault coalitions make: it is always the perpetrator who is responsible for the rape.   Interestingly enough there have been a number of conversations amongst political candidates about rape in the news recently – usually connected to the abortion debate.  I’m not going to touch that issue, but I will say that the idea that there is legitimate rape and illegitimate rape – and that men feel as thought they can define it for a woman - is odious to me.  And it is a sad reminder of just how much misogyny is the still the common sense of our culture.

One of the wonderful things about the latest version of VAWA is that it implements a program that works with men to help prevent rape and violence before it happens.  I was thrilled to learn this, because I think raising awareness in men and educating them is the key to truly eliminating domestic violence and sexual assault and changing some of the deep-seated cultural beliefs men and women hold when it comes to sexuality.

If, as pole dancers, we truly believe in female empowerment, then we should believe that empowerment is the birthright of every woman, and seek to protect it. And if we believe that part of our responsibility – indeed our mission – is to help redefine the way our culture views women and sensuality, and to advocate on behalf of any woman’s right to dance sensually without danger of persecution, then it is also our responsibility to speak out publicly when we see these rights being violated.  And it is our responsibility to take action and put pressure on our political leaders to make changes, and pass bills that will protect our bodies, and the bodies of our sisters, our friends, our wives and our daughters.  As a fellow pole dancer and woman I urge you, not for political reasons, but for the right of women to be protected and to be free, to take action and spread the word.

To take action and urge your congress member to Reauthorize VAWA go to www.opencongress.org

All it takes is an email address and a click.

Well, it’s happened again.  Someone has put pole dancing, children, and sex all in the same sentence and an uproar has ensued.  Why is it that we constantly view a young woman’s sexuality as something that needs safeguarding?  According to Dr. Michelle Smith from Melbourne University, “Being sexy is sold as a path to empowerment.  But also one that only “tramps” and “hookers” choose to take.” Well shit Michelle, I guess I’m a tramp and a hooker then because I find being sexy VERY empowering.  But you know what I find DISEMPOWERING?  People who think they know more about my own body and desires than I do.

According to an article in theage.com, retailers are making sexy clothes for girls as young as ten.  Evidently, the debate around “how young is too young for sexy clothing” came about after Target was heavily criticized on social media for creating sexy clothing lines for girls ages 7-14.  Various voices weighed in, including Dr. Smith, who managed to roll modeling, pole dancing for children and provocative clothing into one big reason why women today think that “being sexy is the ultimate achievement”. (Do they really think that?)  Other commentators included a 17-year-old girl named Indigo who said, “We always seem to be on the side of empowering women through the whole young sexual culture thing or holding back the entire gender and it seems like a very fine line to walk.”  Yes Indigo, that line is better known as the Madonna/Whore split and sadly, it is still alive and well in the world and perpetuated as much by women as it is by men.

Now, before anyone gets their panties in a twist, let me be clear: I really don’t think ten year olds should be wearing sexually provocative clothing. Generally speaking, I do not think they are physically or psychologically mature enough to understand or respond to any unwanted attention that might come their way. Or to understand the implications of what dressing that way might mean to certain people.  However, the rhetoric that is being used to make this argument is unfortunately linked to the idea that we need to shield all young women from sexuality - because otherwise they will become “sexualized” and fall from grace.  This is utterly ridiculous.  When we view sex for girls as something predatory, risky and emotionally overwhelming, we are not only robbing them of the opportunity to explore and discover their own desires, we are teaching them that sex is something that “happens” to them, and this is dangerous.  A girl who does not believe she has agency over her sexuality is a girl who will not be able to create firm boundaries around her sexuality.

If we want to empower young women to make healthy sexual decisions, then it would be wise to begin teaching them to engage with their sexuality, rather than to guard their purity.  It would be wise to teach them that they can have responsible sexual experiences and that their sexuality comes from within.  Anyone who pole dances already knows this – or is learning it.  Why? Because she is getting in touch with her inner sensuality, and learning what feels good and right to her – from within.

There is tremendous pressure on women at an increasingly younger age to look and dress a certain way.  While I by no means support this trend, I do think that appointing moral guardians to firmly protect young women’s purity is as old and outdated as the lobotomy.  Instead of safeguarding their purity, why don’t we teach them about pleasure and desire?  Or, as Clementine Ford so brilliantly put it in her article Policing Young Women’s Sexuality:

“It is a paternalistic society that believes the exploration of sexuality in a woman leads to an emotional fall from grace from which she cannot recover. We do our girls no favors by refusing to acknowledge the raw complexities of their own sexual desires, instead reminding them constantly that their role in sex is restricted to picking and choosing who gets to receive their 'gift'. We don't own their bodies — they do.”

You hear that Dr. Smith?  Good. Now go get on a pole and work it out.

Pole dancing is generally associated with health and well-being.  But every once in a while, pole dancing can shake emotional baggage loose for a student, resulting in tears, shakiness, feelings of overwhelm and anger, and sometimes confusion and fear.  As teachers and fellow students, it’s important to not only recognize when this is happening in the classroom, but to be able to effectively address it.  Just to be clear: I’m referring specifically to an emotional event that comes up in an individual, and not between two people.  Those types of crises need to be handled a bit differently.

If we agree that the state of the mind influences the body and the state of the body influences the mind, then it becomes easy to see how movement and emotion are connected.  But how exactly does that work? And why would pole dancing “bring up” emotions? Well for a couple of reasons. First, working through the body (i.e. through movement) can provide direct access to early developmental, nonverbal and implicit behavioral issues.  And second, working through the body allows access to the physiological aspects of the nervous system, which are often compromised when someone suffers from depression, PTSD, anxiety or dissociation.  That doesn’t mean that everyone who has an emotional experience in class is suffering from one of these things.  It simply means that working with the body can often access the neurological implications of each of these issues.  An extremely simple example is the connection between exercise and symptoms of depression.  Certain research studies have shown that half an hour of exercise daily can be very effective in reducing symptoms of depression.  Why? Because it raises serotonin, reduces feelings of sluggishness and quite literally “activates” the body.  It works the other way too.  If we activate the body we have the potential to access untapped emotional issues, particularly if the movement we are doing is charged with, say, sexuality.

So how do you identify a person who might potentially be in the throes of an emotional breakdown?  It sounds easy right? Not always.  What may look like a deeply emotional dance can often be a “release” of traumatic energy.  This only becomes problematic if the person expressing the emotion becomes overwhelmed by it.  Some signs of emotional or psychological overwhelm in the body that we might see in a pole dance class are:

• Shaking and Trembling (often a sign of deep release within the nervous system. Not to be confused with muscle fatigue.)
• Freezing or immobility (a sign that someone is feeling deeply overwhelmed and trapped)
• Rage and Aggression, particularly if directed at other class members or the teacher
• Extreme sensitivity to light and sound
• Increased breathing (shallow, more rapid, etc), cold sweats
• Constriction in breath and/or musculature
• Dilated pupils
• Tears, when accompanied by any of the above

The presence of such symptoms does not necessarily indicate trauma and trauma may be present without any of these symptoms.  Nevertheless, they offer us a good guideline for recognizing when things might be getting out of hand.

Ok, so you have figured out that your student or classmate is having a meltdown.  What do you do?  Push them to dance through it? Stop them and ask them if they are ok?  Ignore it and hope for the best?

One of the biggest mistakes teachers make is encouraging their students to “dance through” the emotion.  This approach works fine if the person is not overwhelmed. However, if a person is flooded by their emotional experience, pushing them to move through it is a risky endeavor if you are not a licensed mental health worker and/or experienced in somatic work.  Oftentimes, a person will become so overwhelmed that they will begin to dissociate from the present moment and the intensity of the experience will re-traumatize them.  Trauma can only be resolved through movement and therapy if a person is continually experiencing a conscious awareness of their emotional state, and if they are able to complete the traumatic cycle in a way that is markedly different both physically and emotionally from the initial trauma.

Instead, encourage the student to come back to the present moment.  Have them slow down and connect to their breath, and feel their feet on the ground.  Separate them from the group, and if at all possible, do not draw attention to their situation.  Be very careful about touch.  Always ask for permission to touch them and be sure to announce what you are going to do before you touch them.  Many people have trauma that is connected to inappropriate or traumatic touch.  Above all, be gentle. They are in an extremely vulnerable and fragile state.  This is not the time for tough love.  Give them water to sip slowly, and encourage them to stay until the end of class if they can. Once class is over, be sure to address their experience privately, acknowledge it and offer the proper resources if they seem open to it. Do not diagnose your student or tell them what you think happened.  Instead, offer support and ask them what their experience was.  Reflect their experience back to them along with any (non-judgmental) observations you may have.

Lastly, it is easy to address a student’s concerns if he or she comes straight to you and tells you their experience.  But do not underestimate the seriousness of your student’s situation and never overestimate the limitations of your training.  Unless you are clinically trained to work in the mental health field, you should not be trying to resolve your students’ issues in class.  And even then, referral to a more appropriate setting is always recommended.

For More Information on Trauma and Referrals to Mental Health Resources Please Go To:

www.traumahealing.com

www.ptsdforum.org

www.sidran.org

I was recently standing in the checkout line at Whole Foods and, like most people who wait in line, I picked up what was in front of me.  No, it was not a hot young man (you little minxes) it was the latest copy of Yoga Journal.  I have not done yoga regularly since 2005.  But I was curious to see how the yoga world was marketing itself, who was advertising in the magazines, and what was being written.

Yoga shares some similarities with pole.  Aside from the obvious overlap in movement, flexibility training, strength and balance, yoga also has a lifestyle associated with it. Pole does as well. For yoga, however, the lifestyle is much more defined.  Flip through a yoga magazine and you will see articles on how to relieve muscle aches and pains as well as how to open up your spine or your hips.  There are features on food that suggest things like “Bear Naked Fit” granola and “Kind Healthy Grains” for your breakfast.   The majority of foods advertised are organic, and there are several ads for cleansing your GI track, should you be so inclined.  There are articles on how yoga compliments other forms of fitness as well as breakdowns of different yoga poses.  Because yoga is widely touted as a mind-body practice, there are a number of articles on how yoga can help you work with your emotions, open your heart and change your life.  The advertisements in the magazine all cater to a lifestyle choice that reflects health, harmony, and spiritual contemplation.

Yoga is a spiritual practice.  Both the Hindu and Buddhist faith use yoga as a means of spiritual discipline.  Its roots date back even further to the Mohenjodaro seals, which were discovered in the Indus valley, and are thought to be from around 3000 B.C.  Yoga has followed many paths since its inception, but it has always been affiliated in one way or another with spirituality, knowledge and enlightenment.  Ultimately, yoga is meant to help with dissolving the ego.

However, if you look at some of the advertisements and articles in Yoga Journal, you might never guess this was the case.  Nike has Global Yoga Ambassadors.  There are articles that show you how to “do yoga better”.  The majority of ads seem to sensationalize the extreme versions of yoga:  workshops and clothing lines feature teachers in impossible poses while other products claim to help with wrist and knee injuries.  I’m sorry, but if you are injuring yourself in yoga, then I’m afraid you are missing the point.  This reminds me of an advertisement I once saw for a 60-minute yoga class.  The rationale was that nobody has time in this day and age for 90 minutes of yoga, so now you can squeeze all of the benefits into 60. Really?

Flipping through Yoga Journal agitated me. It seemed like an incredibly westernized version of what was once a deeply contemplative practice.  And to echo my sentiments there was even a letter to the editor from someone who “found it painful when yoga was not fully represented as a spiritual path” and urged the magazine to “continue to reflect high spiritual values and a hope for a better, more beautiful world.”

Sometimes I worry that pole will suffer a similar fate.  The pole lifestyle is athletic, but, as far as I can tell, not nearly as healthy as yoga.  As Alethea Austin once said about yoga “Fuck that.  I want to drink Jack Daniels and listen to metal.” The again, there is no one style that defines pole, which makes it harder to define the pole lifestyle.  To me, pole is about the feminine. It’s about dance, costumes and shoes. It’s about emotional expression and freedom. One of the great things about pole is that it is all-inclusive.  Your body may hate doing the Gemini but love the Extended Butterfly.  And that is just fine.  Pole encourages you to seek out what works for your body, and gives you the choice to move in a way that feels right to you.  Like yoga, pole appears to have a great deal of mind-body benefits.  Although there is very little research in this area, many women will attest to the countless ways in which pole has changed their lives for the better - and not just because they fit into their skinny jeans again.   Pole dancing as we know it today has a number of influences, including Chinese pole, aerial silks and contortion. However the roots of pole dancing lay in the erotic, much in the way that the roots of yoga lay in the spiritual.  The history of erotic dance is rich, and as filled with spirituality and celebration as it is with oppression and exploitation.  The stories of oppression are often directly linked to cultural perceptions of female sexuality as well as the rise of Judeo-Christian values, which often link female sexuality to original sin.  As pole dancers today, we still fight this oppression and the stigma that comes with it.  But that is a separate blog.

As pole, like yoga, becomes more commercialized, we see the emphasis shift towards competitions, towards “doing it better”, and towards winning.  There is nothing inherently wrong with this.  Competitions give recognition and reward.  They inspire us to work harder. However, this approach does not necessarily reflect the roots of pole. It does not reflect the tradition of women dancing together to celebrate themselves, or birth, or sex as they did in ancient erotic dance practices.  Nor does it reflect the tease and titillation of early pole dancing.  And it does not reflect much of what women say they love so much about pole: the community and the permission to be exactly where you need to be in your dance.

And so, when I get invitations to the hundreds of pole workshops aimed at teaching me how to do it better, how to win more competitions, how to be PERFECT at POLE, I get agitated. Much in the same way that I get agitated flipping through Yoga Journal.  I never started pole dancing because I wanted to be perfect, or win.  I started pole dancing because it was fucking cool and sexy as hell.  I started pole dancing so I could become an expert at titillating with my dance. Yes, I like tricks, and I like the power that comes with doing a trick.  But I could care less about being perfect in my dance. Perfectly slutty, maybe. But perfect? Yawn. I get enough pressure in my daily life to be perfect.  Pole dancing is my escape from all that.

I suppose everyone has their version of escape, just like everyone has their version of pole.  So getting back to the analogy in the title:  yoga is to spirituality as pole is to ____?

For me the words that fit in that blank space are “the erotic”.

I'm curious, what are they for you?

The governor of Illinois recently signed into a law a “skin tax” for strip clubs, which will raise millions in funds for rape crisis prevention centers in the state.  The bill passed with a unanimous vote in the senate, and a similar bill was recently passed  in Texas.

Basically, the law works like this: the state will tax strip club operators on gross receipts on a tiered basis, or a 3.00 surcharge per person.  The Coalition Against Sexual Assault approached Senator Hutchinson to sponsor the bill when funding for rape crisis centers dropped 1.2 million in the past 3 years.  Polly Poskin, executive director of the Coalition, calls the law “a victory for rape victims and the dedicated rape crisis centers who work 24 hours a day, 365 days a year…to provide services to rape victims.”

Club owners were strongly opposed to the tax, but applauded Senator Hutchinson for trying to do something good.  Hutchinson has said she was not trying to shut down strip clubs, and hoped to dialogue with the industry.

It’s interesting that the Coalition Against Sexual Assault would target strip clubs as good source of revenue for their cause.  I am all for supporting rape crisis centers, particularly when their budgets are being severely slashed. But is it really wise in the process to suggest that there is a correlation between strip clubs and rape?  This kind of mentality is straight from the old “if-you-were-asking-for-it-you-deserved-it” book. In other words, if a woman puts her sexuality on display, she is encouraging men to disrespect her and even commit a violent crime against her, or against other women.  I am shocked that a group that works to promote awareness about sexual assault would align itself with this type of thinking.  It’s akin to placing the responsibility of the rape on the victims themselves: “Well Sue, if your rapist hadn’t been to a strip club earlier, he probably wouldn’t have raped you.”  Bullshit.

Rape doesn’t happen because men are so turned on they can’t control themselves. Rape is an act of power and coercion over another person.  And the idea that women should contain and control their sexuality so that they don’t “tempt” men into “behaving badly” is as old and outdated as a chastity belt.

It reminds me of a Q&A I found on one of my pole dancing friend’s Facebook pages. The question was, “If you had a daughter, and she was going to go out to a party with guys drinking, would you let her go out looking like a slut?”

The answer to this question was as follows: “If the next generation of sons are as repulsed by rape as they should be, then we won’t need to worry about our daughter’s clothing.  Hell if we make our generation shift the blame from the victim to the perpetrator and recognize rape as an act of violence rather than a natural hazard then we won’t even notice clothing.   So the question becomes: If you had a son, and he was going out to a party with girls drinking, would you let him go knowing that one of them could be my daughter and that if he ever touched her without consent, I’d kill you?”

It’s no doubt the response of a protective father, nevertheless it brings up an excellent point: Focus on raising your sons to understand that women need to consent to their sexual advances.  Focus on shifting the blame to the people who commit the rape and not the victims, who, no matter what they are wearing, or what their job is, are never responsible.

I applaud the Coalition Against Sexual Assault for looking to alternative ways of funding their services.  But the connection they are drawing between sexual entertainment and sexual assault is disturbing and backwards.

A lobbyist friend of mine in DC had this to say about it, “What's interesting about this thing is that when they did it in Texas it got held up in court with an injunction by the strip club owners. There were 10's of millions of dollars held up in a trust. The basic premise is that there is no nexus between men visiting a strip club and its correlation with violence against women. What it comes down to is that politicians want to spend more money and they need someone to be the bad guy so the public will feel good about taxing them to pay for it. It's just another money grab veiled as good public policy. “

Sadly, I agree.

For More information on How to Get Involved with your local Rape Crisis Prevention Center

Go to: www.rainn.org

“Empowerment is not giving people power, people already have plenty of power, in the wealth of their knowledge and motivation, to do their jobs magnificently. We define empowerment as letting this power out.” (Blanchard, K)

Pole dancers love to talk about empowerment. It’s a sexy word that brings up images of ninja goddesses twisting their bodies into impossible shapes while celebrating the raw sensuality and power of their movement. At least, that’s what the word does for me. For others, the words pole dancing and empowerment seem like a joke: what on earth is empowering about dancing around a pole in slutty stilettos? (For an answer to that question, click here.) It’s true that for many women, pole dancing class makes them feel strong, sexy, confident, and yes, empowered. But what happens when the business practices of an industry that prides itself on empowering women are in direct conflict with that particular value?

For example, pole stars who tour the country teaching workshops make their money by teaching at multiple studios in the same city. Studios who demand exclusive rights to certain pole stars when they come to city (without offering additional compensation for the lost revenue) are behaving in a way that is prohibitive to the financial well being of those pole stars, and to the industry overall. This is just one example of how the pole industry shoots itself in the foot.

I spent a long time dancing at a particular studio that I loved – until I found out that they retained the services of a copyright attorney whose sole purpose was to protect the brand of the company by (among other things) actively pursuing former teachers who were perceived to be a threat. One of my good friends, who had been through their teacher training but never taught at the studio, called me to tell me she was being harassed with emails from the studio’s lawyer because of a picture on her yoga website which showed her doing a pose that supposedly “belonged” to the studio curriculum. I was shocked. And I made the decision that I no longer wanted to give my money to a company that spent its time tracking down perceived threats instead of giving its receptionists raises. When attempting to promote my book at my home studio, I was told that it did not represent the brand adequately and there was concern about my references to “the pole dancing movement” rather than to the studio exclusively. My posts were deleted from all of their FB pages and I was defriended. This was extremely ironic given the fact that most of what I wrote about did nothing but promote and support much of this studio’s work, and bring solid psychological underpinning to its curriculum – something no one else at that studio could have done. Nevertheless, it is that studio’s right to carry out their business practices as they see fit. But it gave me pause. How could a studio that preaches female empowerment be so narrow?

Other examples of pole business practices that disempower women include bogus teacher trainings that are designed to make the studio money, rather than provide students with well-prepared, savvy and safe instructors, competitions that fail to adhere to basic safety practices and organizational skills (usually because the organizer is primarily interested in making money) and of course, bullying.

Think there is no such thing as bullying in the pole world? Think again.

A competitor decides on a last minute wardrobe change for comfort reasons and the owner of the competition accuses her of trying to promote another brand at her competition. A studio accuses another studio of stealing a workshop idea and denounces them publicly on Facebook. Upon discovering that a teacher is teaching Pilates at another pole studio, a studio fires its teacher 5 days before the start of a session, leaving the students hanging and pursuing aggressive legal action against that teacher, despite having previously agreed to the arrangement. Students are falsely warned to not compete at a particular competition because the equipment is “unsafe”. A pole dance event agrees to take money from a company for their show in exchange for prominent and exclusive advertising and then does not honor that agreement. A company offers a sponsorship contract to an unwitting pole star that gives them complete control over the athlete through vague legal language and loopholes. The list goes on.

It would seem that there are two different issues in each of these scenarios. The first is how women handle competition and aggression. According to Dr. Erika Holiday, women tend to hurt one another because of feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred in the face of intense competition. Because a woman feels like she has no place to turn, she keeps everyone else in line and hurts them for being deviant or straying from the norm (From Mean Girls, Meaner Women). This topic merits a blog unto itself, so stay tuned for my review of Dr. Holiday’s book, and how it applies to the pole world.

The second issue is what happens when a company preaches female empowerment while its business practices embrace cutthroat, greedy and single-minded tactics. And is it possible to grow a company in a way that is both successful and ethical? For more answers, I turned to Jack Gaffney, President and CEO of Bad Kitty Exoticwear.

CS: Many people refer to pole dancing as a "grass roots movement". How do you think such a movement can co-exist with current corporate businesses as a model for expansion? Are the two mutually exclusive?

JG: Pole is definitely a grass roots movement. I often compare it to snowboarding or skateboarding on many levels, and I have written a few blogs on that topic (Click here to read those blogs). But pole has a major advantage over those two Movements: social media.

There are over 800 million people on Facebook alone, and within 5 minutes a newbie to pole can become completely entrenched into the global community. Technology has connected our planet like it has never been connected before with instant access to just about anything you could want. Social media has played an intricate role in toppling political regimes, organizing such things as Occupy Wall Street and the Arab Spring. In the pole world, Bad Kitty has customers in over 50 countries as of today. Prior to having social media at our disposal, that could have taken a decade to achieve. In my opinion, this is one of the main reasons pole has seen such explosive growth in such a short time. Not only do we have the ability to watch a live event, but literally within seconds after a performance a video can be uploaded and shared across the planet. This creates a MASSIVE amount of exposure and piques interest to new people every day. As the mainstream sees more people embracing pole, they open up to accepting it and past stereotypes begin to be erased.

In regards to corporate businesses co-existing with local studios as a model of expansion, I believe it can in fact be a mutually beneficial relationship as opposed to mutually exclusive one. However in order for that to happen the corporate entities need to take a Top Down approach and not only understand their customers, but their customer’s business. I subscribe to the theory that a "rising tide lifts all boats". When we entered the pole industry it was much smaller than it is today. We realized that in order for us to be successful, we needed pole to be accepted and successful. And because pole studios are a local business, we needed to come up with creative ways to help studios grow their student base, get exposure locally and focus on their core offering which is, of course, lessons.  This is why we sponsor athletes and events - the show must go on if you will. Our customers depend on our sponsorship dollars to put on these events. Every studio owner has similar wants and needs.

For example, our PoleFit line of apparel for was created for the community with the assistance of the community. It is the community’s line as much as it is ours. We beta test new products with pole dancers all over the world and get feedback, then make changes etc.

Doing business this way takes more time, but in the long run we feel we are delivering the best product available to our customers and we are more than willing to be patient and open to feedback. In addition, we made a decision to only allow pole studio owners to purchase at wholesale prices. We have rejected over 200 wholesale accounts this year alone because they are not a "Pole" company. What we did in fact was create an exclusive product for an exclusive community and granted exclusive rights to distribute the product to the community members.  Studio owners can apply this new revenue to keeping prices lower for classes, expanding their studio, marketing, hiring and/or training new instructors etc. By conducting business in this fashion we do not compete with our studios, but rather we enable (empower) them to create a secondary revenue stream within their studio and take a role in assisting with the product development.

Moving forward in 2012 we will be launching a suite of new business related technology services to pole studio owners. I cannot get into specifics at this time but I can say that we have spent almost 18 months developing some of these features and the entire offering is designed to increase local awareness, drive traffic into studios and make their jobs a lot easier and more efficient. Everything we have built out thus far has been built in the same manner as PoleFit: through lots of conversations with lots of people and specific solutions built custom for pole studios’ needs.

So to summarize my answer to your question: corporate entities need to be a large part and take a lead in the grass roots movement and become a part of the community which supports their business. They need to give back, be committed, honest and transparent...all things that come from the heart.

CS: Do you think there is a "socially responsible" and "socially irresponsible" way of growing businesses? How does the pole industry fit into these models?

JG: Yes, but not just socially responsible, but overall responsible. We subscribe to "The Golden Rule" which is of course: treat others the way in which you would like to be treated yourself. This is the simplest rule in existence, but one that is rarely followed. The students and fans of pole are in fact the MOST important part of this entire movement. Without students, a studio could not exist, without studios, Pole Stars would have nowhere to travel to, without students and fans there would be no events and our own company would not be as successful. It all comes back to the students and any pole business, whether it’s a studio, a pole manufacturer, an apparel company should be extremely thankful for EVERYONE who chooses do business with them. A company’s main focus should be to keep them happy, safe and wanting more. The easiest way of insuring this is to constantly solicit feedback and ask questions - simple questions like "Are you having fun?" and “What do you like best about our studio/product, what would you change and why?” In many instances, people may make suggestions that are easily implemented and other times not. But in those instances, being open and transparent about decisions is always the best approach. If people are left in the dark, they will form their own opinion and that opinion may be unfounded.

An example from our own business is sizing. In many of our new releases from the PoleFit line, we only launched with sizes small and medium. Shortly after the launch we received a lot of emails of customers who were really upset and accused us of only making products for small people, and assumed we had something against larger women. In fact, this couldn't be further from the truth. The fact is that certain styles "as cut" in small & medium require redesign before they can be "graded" upwards or downwards in size. If we failed to properly grade the garment, it would not function or fit properly thus creating a bad user experience. We had made an assumption that everyone somehow knew this...which was a mistake.  We grade the garment by going to the community, asking for beta testers of certain sizes and sending them product to test and give us feedback. We then take all this data, re-tool the garment and send them back out for more testing. It isn't until we get it right that we will release it, and honestly, some styles just wont work for a 36DD the same way they will for a 32B. In addition, extremely active Polers have muscle where the vast majority of women do not, typically in the lats and shoulders, so we have found that Pole Wear needs much more research & development than most would imagine. The moral of the story is that once we explained this to these folks, most were extremely happy with the answers. In fact most were ecstatic! No one was right or wrong - it is simply that perception can quickly become reality. You may never know the perception of your company until you dig deep, ask questions and give honest answers.

My advice to studio owners is to constantly ask your students questions, have instructors ask questions and really LISTEN to what they say. Don’t get defensive - they are helping you help them. If there is something they want and you can’t provide it, explain why. That would be the most responsible way of growing your business.

CS: In light of the fact that pole dancing prides itself as "empowering women everywhere" are there, in your opinion, business models/practices that should be followed? Avoided?

JG: Yes, in regards to business practices that should be followed, I would refer back to the golden rule: Treat others in the way in which you yourself would like to be treated. Studio owners are empowering women in so many ways: physically, mentally, sexually, socially. But I think some studio owners lose sight of the fact that the "door swings both ways" - meaning the owner/instructors receive a great deal of empowerment in return. Empowerment is like respect: it is a give and take. Owners and instructors are typically leaders by nature and leaders have a responsibility to their followers - the biggest of which is to teach. It is difficult to get an employee, train them, teach them, empower them and then watch them leave and form their own business. One can take 2 views on something like this: The first is to be proud and supportive. After all you have just helped someone go out on their own, a testament to your abilities as a teacher. The other view, and sadly one I have seen too often, is to become angry, upset, feel betrayed, become nervous about losing students etc. But you cannot teach and preach empowerment and then become distressed when your teaching is successful. As we know, every situation is unique, and every story has 3 sides, one side, the other side and the truth. Since this scenario is fairly common my suggestion would be to REALLY empower your students and employees. Have these conversations early on, discover the wants and needs of your employees, what are THEIR goals, and how can you help them achieve them...ALL of them. I would think having a fully trained, completely skilled and fully empowered staff member looking to venture out on their own would be a fantastic way of growing your own business. After all, starting a new business is difficult: there is branding, location, software, scheduling, insurance, etc. The student/teacher role doesn't need to vanish. In fact it can blossom to an even higher level. Collaboration and partnerships are an incredibly effective way of growing a business and 90% of the time it will make both parties more successful than if they had they gone about it on their own.

In regards to what to avoid: I would say the hardest thing to avoid as a business owner is competition - both internal competition and external competition. Here is the TRUTH about competition: It exists, it always has existed and it always will. If you have built something successful others will look to duplicate your success. But at all costs do not ever let competition consume you. If someone wants to copy everything you do, there is not much you can do about it. But remember that if you are being copied, YOU are still the innovator. YOU are still first. When they copy you, it shows that they have a difficult time coming up with original ideas or recruiting good talent. Focus instead on your own business and what you should/could be doing. It is next to impossible to stop someone from copying you, and unless you are prepared for a long, drawn out and expensive court fight it probably isn’t worth the battle -unless it is malicious and blatantly and truly damaging to your company. So allowing these copycats to consume your psyche will only end up hurting you in the long run. It will cause you to lose focus or worse shift your focus to reacting. Be pro-active, innovative, unique, honest, skilled, open to change and transparent. Create a fun environment and you will do just fine. Is it frustrating, but in my experience if someone’s business model is to replicate and rip off someone else's ideas, that business model will usually fail. Those who implement such strategies are typically only interested in PROFIT and MONEY. There is no emotional connection, and rarely is anything done that doesn’t have a profit or exploitative nature to it. Very few people have loyalty to businesses like this. Seth Godin, author of the book Tribes, states that "Leadership comes when your hope and your optimism are matched with a concrete vision of the future and a way to get there." Those that are leaders understand this intuitively and passionately. Those that follow, copy and "rip off" do not. They are not leaders. They are opportunists disguised as leaders and they can only hide behind the facade for so long before being exposed.

Finally, sharing ideas and borrowing ideas from other owners is a great way to streamline successes. The scenarios described above are typically very local studios - sometimes within minutes from one another. But if you are in Texas, why not share ideas with other owners in Florida, or New York ? This is the trend we LOVE to see, and this is real empowerment.

CS: Thanks for the insight Jack !

In other words, true empowerment in the business model means creating an environment where creativity, cooperation and compassion are the cornerstones for success for both your students and your employees. So what happens when a company creates an environment where its employees can thrive? Karen Possessky, LCSW, gives us the scoop on the psyche situation. “When you have a company that cultivates an ethical climate, good business is a natural byproduct. In organizational ethics, tone is set by the leadership and trickles down to the employees. When employees experience ethical treatment and observe ethical practices, they themselves act ethically, which translates into good treatment of the customers. When that is not cultivated, a sense of helplessness and every man for himself mentality emerges: if management doesn’t care, then why should I care? The system is dysfunctional and the employee is forced to function in a way that is survival based. If the employee doesn’t need to worry about their own survival, they are free to take care of the customer and do their job.”

That sounds like reason enough to follow the Golden Rule if you ask me.

For more information on Bad Kitty go to www.badkittyexoticwear.com

Teach: To impart knowledge or skill

Instruct: To furnish with knowledge

It’s been a while since I’ve written something.  And quite a bit has happened.  Aside from being named Editor-in-Chief of Vertical Art and Fitness magazine (shameless plug to get your subscription HERE), I have also started teaching pole.  This has opened up a whole other side of pole dancing for me.  It is one thing to be a student, and to dedicate yourself to dance.  It is an entirely different thing to teach it.  Becoming a teacher, in my opinion, is an extension of your learning curve – in any subject.  You never stop being a student, even when you teach.  At the same time, when you take on the responsibility of guiding others in a practice, you must lead by example.  This doesn’t mean you need to be flawless, but it does mean that you need to walk the walk.   For example, I can tell my students how to get into their bodies and how to access their emotions in their dance, and I can tell them how to be more sensual, but if I can’t embody those qualities in my movement, then I can’t really guide them to do the same.

There is a tremendous amount of energy that goes into teaching.  You are pouring your essence, your enthusiasm, your wisdom and your knowledge into others.  You are offering your students support, guidance, encouragement and inspiration.  And you are keeping the energy levels up and positive in the room, while making sure everyone is safe and everyone is learning something.  You really can’t show up to class with anything else on your plate, or your students will feel it.

I love it.

For me, teaching is about being of service.  It’s about nurturing and cultivating my students and helping them to grow in places they did not think possible.  But it’s also about respect.  In order to teach your students, you have to respect them.  You don’t have to like them, and you don’t have to be friends with them, but you do have to show them respect.  I remember when I first started learning to pole dance I viewed my teachers not just as instructors, but as mentors.  I believed in them and in what they were teaching me, and I had the utmost respect for their insight and wisdom.  Partly this was because they inspired me and partly it was because they acknowledged that whatever journey I was on was my own, and they knew when to get out of way.  Today, I try to inspire that same feeling in my students - not through flattery and empty cheering, or authority and credentials, but through sincere acknowledgement, careful observation, and kindness.

As a student, one of the biggest mistakes I saw teachers make was letting their egos get in the way.  If you want to teach, you cannot have an ego about it.  Your students will eventually see through it, and they will tire of it.  It is obvious when your students’ successes mean nothing more to you than a reflection of your own genius, or even worse, dollars in your wallet.  Naturally, everyone is susceptible to this kind of a thing – we are human after all – and we like appreciation.  But teachers who impart knowledge and skill as a one-way flow of information are doing their students and the material a huge disservice. Learning is a co-creative process.  People learn differently and in order to teach properly, you have to be able to understand your students’ learning styles and adjust accordingly.  This is true for pole dance too.  Your students may have blocks or fears in completely different areas.  Being able to identify those areas and help your students move past them requires you to be as aware of what your student is doing as they are of what you are teaching.  In psychology we learn that what you see in someone else is always filtered through your own lens, which is shaped by your own experiences.  It is impossible to make an observation about another human without taking into account your own issues.  This is especially important to remember when you are a teacher because you are being asked to guide another person on their journey.  How you guide them will depend heavily on your own level of self-awareness and humility.

Of course, all of this is easier said than done.  But the joy must come not just from your success at imparting a skill, but at your student’s happiness at mastering it.

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In celebration of my new teaching position at Polistic Dance Studio in Los Angeles, Polistic is offering fans of The Pole Story and Bad Kitty Exoticwear a special discount:  Bring your friend for free to an Intro to Pole class.  Share the link to this blog on Facebook then message me for the Promo Code!

www.polistic.com

Miley Cyrus is the latest tween-turned-teen to find herself under scrutiny for somehow tarnishing her “good girl” image by, well, growing up.   Says Cyrus, “Every 18-year-old explores sexuality and experiments and tries things.  For me there’s no reason to change that.  You have to be true to yourself.”  Cyrus isn’t just growing up - she is growing up and being honest about it.  Which is a refreshing change from other child stars that have made a similar transition.  Take Britney Spears for example who said in her very first interview with Rolling Stone Magazine that she wasn’t trying to be sexy.  Uh-huh, sure Brit.

What’s interesting about the public perception of Cyrus is that her transition from girl to woman is met with such shock and outrage.  It’s as though watching Miley Cyrus go from a blonde, innocent little girl to a sexy young woman reminds us that all of our daughters will eventually go through that same transition.  And no one likes to think about his or her little girl as a sexy woman.

But why is that?  And even more importantly, why, the second that a woman begins to play with, or experiment with her sexuality do we start the think of her as “bad”?  While it’s true that an 18-year-old woman may no longer be a fitting role model for young girls, is that particularly surprising or wrong?  And why should we shame a young woman for no longer being a role model for girls by calling her “bad” or even “controversial”?  It’s as if we want to punish her for coming into womanhood.

Miley’s fan base has grown up alongside her.  She is behaving like a young adult, just as they are, and being very open about it.  “The ones who do look up to me as a role model…I think it’s because I’m so real. If they tell you that they haven’t tried this or haven’t experimented with that, they’re lying. And I’ll never do that because personally I can’t, because there will be some proof on the Internet.”

We don’t offer young women today any guidance on how to explore their sexuality.  Instead, we tell them what to watch out for, what not to be, and what to avoid completely.  But this pushes women down a deeply inauthentic and sexually disconnected path.  Instead, we need to teach them how to discover what their sexuality means to them. And if sexuality is something that is primarily experienced in the body, then the best and healthiest way to explore sexuality is through the body – whether through dressing up, dance or even touch.  Miley Cyrus got in a lot of trouble when she used a pole in her performance for “Party in the USA”.  Ironically, pole dancing can be an excellent way for a woman to explore her sexuality.   Pole dancing awakens the body and teaches women about sensuality – usually in an all-female environment.  The majority of women who pole dance will say that it has increased their confidence as well as their awareness of their sense of desire in their bodies.

Women make well-informed and judicious decisions about their sexuality when they have an experience of and relationship to the feeling of desire that resides in their body, rather than just an intellectual relationship with it.  If a young woman, through dance, dress-up or touch can begin to feel in her body what she likes and doesn't like, what feels good to her and what doesn't, if she can begin to relate to her sexuality, not just as being accessible to a man, but as something that is hers - to share or not share - then perhaps she will carry that out into the world, into her interactions with men and women.  And if she does, than she will be better equipped to know, through her own internal direction and guidance, what she wants and doesn't want when it comes to sex.  And this is a very individual decision.    If we want to teach women to make healthy decisions for themselves and to be sexually empowered then we must give them permission to freely explore their desires.

Miley Cyrus is doing what every young woman does when she starts to discover her sexuality and its power: she is playing with it, experimenting, trying things on.  And she is trying to stay true to herself.  The majority of the media’s response to this behavior has been, “Should Miley be sexy?”

Why the hell not?

It would be so wonderful if instead of being upset and threatened by her newfound sexiness, the public could recognize the beauty that is unfolding before them, appreciate the honesty with which she is exploring her sexuality and applaud her for becoming a woman.  After all, that’s exactly what we would do for a young man.  Take for example Taylor Lautner, from the popular Twilight movies.  At 19 years old, he is promoted as a sexy young stud and admired for his constant shirtless appearances.   And yet the young women who scream for him to remove his shirt, who show their sexual desire for him, who put on thigh high boots to get his attention- the ones who ultimately put him in the spotlight by being fans - are considered “bad” somehow.  They are going through the same thing as Miley.  They are figuring out what they want and expressing the changes in their minds and their bodies.   But the difference is the minute a woman puts her sexuality on display, everyone starts to ask where she went wrong.   And when a man does it, he gets a handshake and a pat on the back.  Nobody is asking whether or not Taylor Lautner should be sexy or whether or not he is a bad boy for doing so.  So why is Miley Cyrus in so much trouble?

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