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Sacred Female Sexuality

By on December 28, 2016

This time last year I wrote about “Giving the Gift of Your Sexy” – a “how to” on sharing a sexy dance with your partner. This holiday season, I want to explore a personal, sensual, element of female sexuality: its sacredness .

sa·cred
ˈsākrəd/
adjective
1a : dedicated or set apart for the service or worship

Oh holy night, indeed…

night-femme

I grew up with a heavy Evangelical Christian influence, which I write about and process lot (like here, here and here.) Even while preparing to write this article I ran across one of my former pastor’s public post.img_4526 This exact attitude did more damage to my femininity and my sexuality than any presumed “daddy issues” ever could … This is benevolent sexism in action. Benevolent sexism is an insidiously dangerous and damaging violent sexism. Performing the “good girl” routine and the desire for approval – or even just survival – keeps some women in such strong emotional bondage, it might as well be physical chains. ( I know “some psychology” would back this up! =P ) Our culture is obsessed with benevolent sexism and the women who embrace it. “Patriarchy has always had room for the Exceptional Woman—the one woman smart enough, sweet enough, strong enough, soft enough, pure enough, sexy enough to satisfy all of our culture’s contradictory demands on women, and thus make it to the top of a sexist system on merit alone. Patriarchy needs that woman. She provides men with an excuse to blame women for their own pain and struggles, while simultaneously assuring women that sexism only needs to be outwitted to be overcome. She tells us that the system is survivable for women—you simply have to be the right kind of woman.” – Sady Doyle, Elle.

Reaching in the distance, Jerilyn by Ashley Giles UK on 500px.com

 

So, please know, when I talk about the sacredness of female sexuality that’s not code for, “You precious flower, we must hide you from the world under the protection of your husband and/or father.” Gross. No. Just no. I’ve transcended ideology and am pretty pleased with how far I’ve come. I’m talking about the worthiness of your sexuality to be elevated to the status of other sacred elements in your life. What does that mean to you? What is sacred to you? I bet whatever it is, it takes up a lot of your time, energy, thought space, and even finances. I’m also not going to tell you to light candles and discover the inner beauty of your yoni. If you are into that, fantastic! That style of “sacred sexuality” is extremely popular. While researching this piece I found “sacred sexuality” to be the kind of female sexuality that is most frequently written about. But, if you aren’t into that, it doesn’t mean the sacred is out of reach for you. Might I take this moment to recommend a potentially scandalous podcast, Tina Horn’s: “Why Are People Into That?!” Each week she speaks with a different expert guest on a different sexy subject. What are People Into… Latex, Fire, Blood, Bondage, Strippers (Oh heyyy!) – the list goes on. It’s great fun – and educational! What’s reinforced the most is that different people truly do find different things erotic as well as… yes, sacred. Smells, textures, rituals, public and private displays of devotion… Mollena Lee Williams-Haas is another great resource for owning your unique expression of sexuality, and a damn good story teller! She has one of my favorite sacred femme sexuality quotes of all time, “My pussy is not PC!” You tell ’em, girl.

rumi-quote

Dan Savage also makes his share of great points about female sexuality. A woman once wrote to him asking what she should do about the fact that she needed the help of an electronic toothbrush to reach orgasm. How could she ever tell a partner without being humiliated? His response was something to the effect of, “If a man needs a nun, a canoe, and a bathtub to get off – guess what is showing up at your place the day you decided to sleep with him?” He said this to show that women, by comparison, are culturally raised to be a lot more apologetic and in the dark about their sexuality. By elevating our female sexuality’s status to sacred we help remove the silence and shame around it.

So this holiday season light a candle, take a bubble bath, get to the pole studio, or break out the chains and leather. Whatever feels sacred, elevated, set apart, and worthy to you! Why not? You deserve it. You are the light of the world.

sacredsexuality

 

 

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Katie Johnson

is a Los Angeles based Fine Art Model, Actress, Writer -- and most importantly - Pole Fitness Devotee. She's been called everything from “magic” and “fearless” to “dependable, bendable” and even “the balliest f***ing model I’ve ever worked with!”

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